Spider: 1 Man With Flamethrower: 0.

Here's a very strange story for all you freaks out there, regarding a spider and a total idiot! Spiders. Most people hate those eight legged freaks. But what if one of them scurries about in your bathroom. What do you do? Reach for the rolled up newspaper? Or do the 'humane' thing (whatever that means) and rescue the poor bug's life? Well, if your name is Christopher Robinson and your married to a certain Janine then there's only one thing you can do. Burn it to death! Or, more accurately, FAIL at burning it to death.

On the last Monday of August in the quiet Clacton-On-sea, the petrified Janine instructed the 28-year old Christopher to get rid of the incy wincy spider that was running wild and causing all sorts of heinous crimes (!) in their bathroom. After FAILing to flush it out with a toilet brush, Christopher decided the only logical way to get rid of the creep was to suffocate it to death. He grabbed the nearest (highly flammable) aerosol can and smufered it with the sweet smell of spray. Just his luck that the light bulb blew at that exact moment. Without a thought, Christopher grabbed his lighter to shine some light on the situation and, yep you guessed it, kaboom! A fireball burst out and threw Christopher flying out of the bathroom and smashed it's way into the loft.  Christopher received burns to his legs, arms and face and a certificate for being an utter plonker.

The firemen supplied the punchline; "‘We’re not entirely sure whether the spider got away or not – but there was no sign of it.’"

For more info here's an article from The Mirror

The Wrong Stuff: Internet 'Video Nasties'

Yesterday morning, I watched a programme on TV that actually made me quite concerned and worried. No, it wasn't a re-run of The X Factor, Don't Stop Believing or other such garbage, but a segment on a talk show known as The Wright Stuff on channel Five. Matthew Wright and his panel of three celebrities were discussing the topic "Are you a sicko if you watch video nasties on YouTube?" Being a huge fan of horror and intrigued by censorship, this instantly caught my attention, so I sat and watched. It provided one of the most interesting 15 or so minutes I've seen on TV for a long while (which isn't saying that much!).


It was pretty obvious what position the panel would take on this subject, and I'm by no means condemning them for taking this view. It's their opinion, and everyone should be entitled to their opinions.They clearly couldn't understand why people would watch such videos, including, as they mentioned, executions such as beheadings and hangings to chucking puppies into a river. One person even expressed there puzzlement and fear of these people by calling viewers of these videos sociopaths. Now, something strange struck me here as I got a whiff of hypocrisy. 'Whiff' may be the wrong word, since the hypocrisy shown here was about as subtle as getting your head stuck up an elephants backside. For they actually showed two of the films that they were discussing and deemed as a 'nasty'! Bare in mind that this is around 10 o'clock in the morning. Sure one could argue that these two videos (one in which a woman throws a cat into a bin and one in which someone throws a couple of puppies into a river) are not particularly violent or gruesome (compared to the executions), but that's beside the point since The Wright Stuff panel discussed them alongside the more 'hardcore' Internet videos. My main argument here is that unlike videos on the Internet in which viewers chose to search for them and watch them, these two videos were shown on national television without any warning whatsoever.


So far you may be thinking that I'm condemning these videos and taking a similar view to The Wright Stuff guys, but that couldn't be more wrong. I strongly believe that adults should be allowed to watch anything they wish. In my opinion, NOTHING should be banned or censored. However there is a very clear difference between someone finding a 'nasty' video and someone unexpectedly watching one without warning. It was almost a way of shocking the audience into being disgusted by the videos and therefore would provide them with a position on this argument - one that is against these films.

Walking Dead Apocalypse Music Video

The day till The Walking Dead hits our TV screens is getting closer and closer. So what better way to celebrate than with an awesome music video?!

Frightfest 2010 Review 2: F

Next up on this marathon of new and upcoming horror films was another British horror film called F. Stupid title, I know. Before the film started, the director Johannes Roberts introduced it by comparing it to the excellent Assault On Precinct 13 (John Carpenter, 1976) and described it as an old-school horror film. What can I say; I was excited to say the least. But did the film actually live up to this hype?

What the Hell is it about?
Again, according to the official Frightfest booklet;

Welcome to the Class of 2010. The college day ends, the school building becomes a vast complex of dark corridors, eerily quiet classrooms, empty save for a few staff and children. What none of the remaining teachers and pupils realize is tonight is going to be a night they will remember for the rest of their lives. Viciously attacked by a pupil in the past English teacher Robert Anderson was devastated when the governing board refused to back his lawsuit to avoid bad publicity and scandal. Now a burned-out, world-weary alcoholic tyring to reconnect with his daughter, Anderson must finally face his most terrifying demons. For the school comes under relentless attack from a faceless thread intent on causing maximum mayhem. Alone Anderson must battle brutal bloodthirsty killers, and his deepest fears, in a desperate battle for the survival of those he holds most dear. Will lessons be learned?

Was it any good?

 As can be seen in the above semi-synopsis, F has a much bigger focus on character than the previous piece of garbage, Isle Of Dogs. The characters are all believable and have their own flaws, fears, goals and problems. In essence the characters in this film, or at least the main characters, are multi-dimensional resulting in the audience actually giving a damn about them. It's no surprise that the most well-developed character is the star of the film, Robert Anderson, played by David Schofield who's career has included appearing in the 2010 Wolfman remake, Pirates Of The Caribbean 2 & 3 and even the horror classic An American Werewolf In London.  Schofield plays his character in such a way that the audience empathises with his character who truly is a victim of circumstance - even though he constantly does the right thing nothing seems to go right for him. Instantly, I noticed parallels between the fantastic and highly underrated cult film Class Of 1984. Sadly though, whilst this film clearly benefits from having such a great character, it also hinders the film's enjoyability since it felt as though the entire film was building up to something slowly and, in the end, never really delivering it's promise or, more accurately, it's potential.

Win [REC]2 Merchandise.

Fancy getting your hands on a [REC] 2 poster? Or perhaps a [REC]2 mug? How about a mousemat or better still a DVD/BluRay or this film? Then head over to the REC Movies UK Facebook page and enter the weekly comps!

Frightfest 2010 Review 1: Isle Of Dogs

For those who don't know, Frightfest is a huge horror film festival in London which shows off the latest horror films resulting in the majority of the screenings being world premiers, or at least UK premiers. So, the next few posts will be reviews of all the films I saw and whether you should, in my opinion, both checking them out when they (if they) receive a wider release.

The first film I actually saw there this year was Tobe Hooper's original The Texas Chainsaw Massacre from 1974. There's no point reviewing that as everyone knows that it is a masterpiece of horror cinema and to see it on the biggest screen in England was nothing short of spectacular. It was followed by a long Q & A with Hooper, discussing this film in particular but also his occasionally successful career.If you would like to see this, check it out on YouTube here. That video has clearly been edited, Mr. Hooper looked very awkward, nervous and shy on stage. Oh and did I mention I also got an original pre-cert VHS of this film signed by the man himself? No? Well I did. Awesome or what?!

Anyways, let's get to the review of the World Premier of Isle Of Dogs. Directed by Tammi Sutton who's directorial credits include a killer clown film that often appears in the Poundshop (!) Killjoy 2: Deliverance From Evil (2002) and Sutures (2009) a film I had not even heard of before I wasn't too sure about this film. But I went along anyway.

What the hell is it about?
Well according to the FrightFest booklet;

It's a dog eat dog world. So take a deeper plunge into the darker side of human behaviour with an intense portrayal of sex, murder and betrayal. Darius is the gang boss from Hell, a deadly bastard and the last man you'd cross. But when he discovers his young Russian bride  Nadia is sleeping with Riley, he makes the small time hoodlum an offer he can't refuse. Kill or be killed. But murder is a very high stakes game - one with no rules. And as dawn rises on Darius' country estate, there will be seven bodies, with only one winner left standing. In the tradition of London To Brighton, an unflinching portrayal of what people will do to survive. Written by Sean Hogan (Little Deaths) and director Tammi Sutton (the upcoming Welcome To Graveland [what, no mention of killer clowns?!]), comes a barking Brit body count horror.